Urban Farmer

Halloween 2012

I love (I mean live) in Somerville. A hip little city nestled right next to the North of Boston. It's an artsy city, and something that they recently started is the Urban Agriculture movement. They encourage the citizens to grow vegetables, raise chickens for eggs, and even keep bee's if you're ambitious. I can't keep bees, as I'm allergic.. BUT I CAN raise hens and a garden!

Last year, I raised the heck out of tomatoes, mint, and basil, but I kind of failed at squash. I got one measly yellow pepper, and a couple small pieces of broccoli and cauliflower. This year, I am armed with a never-ending supply of compost and some fancy new lessons. I will conquer the squash and cucumbers.. all of the peas will be MINE!!!

Blizzard 2013

Along with the veggies, we have successfully raised 4 hens. 2 Golden Bluffs (Dorothy and Rose, red in color) and 2 Partridge Cochins (Sophia and Blanche, black and fluffy). Just this past month, they started giving us eggs. If you've never had a fresh egg, you really just don't know what you're missing. They have a creamier consistency, not to mention you get the thrill of discovering different colored and shaped eggs in their coop every day. The chickens themselves are funny on their own. I never thought that a chicken could have a distinct personality, but the girls sure do.

The main idea of this particular post is to back up the idea that I spent a good chunk of my life eating poorly, and in the past 2 years, it's changed. It's nice to go to whole foods and marvel at all of the fantastically delicious produce they have (I always did because of my love of colors), but to see it grow and harvest it yourself is rewarding. 

Tomorrow is one of the bigger days regarding the road to surgery. It's something Tufts calls "immersion day" where you meet with the surgeons and go through what all of the surgeries entail. At least that's what I think it is. I'm eager to step on the scale and see if the past 2ish weeks of the shakes and protein is making a change. Yesterday was a bit of a challenge. I took one of my first road trips to a place called Polly's Pancake Parlor, in Sugar Hill NH for their opening day of the season. I had a shake for breakfast, and the pancakes for lunch. The punch of carbs made me feel like I'd swallowed rocks (several for that matter), and even though we went for a walk around the AMC Highland center, I still felt a bit of regret for all the discomfort I felt later. The next time we do a trip up there, I hope that the weather will be nice enough to allow for a real hike to burn off all of the deliciousness so there isn't suffering later. I was talking with a good friend and lamenting about how I was excited, but terrified of surgery. The most important idea was that overall, as soon as I felt healthier and was losing weight one of the first things I want to do is REALLY hike in the White Mountains.

When your back and knees hurt all of the time, the idea of a 3-4 mile hike makes you queasy. Soon, I'll be conquering the trails.

Shake It Up.. OOooo, Shake It Up

I can't lie.. every time I make breakfast or lunch these days, I've got The Cars song, "Shake It Up" in my head. Maybe you have it in your head now too.

I've been following the nutritionists advice pretty strictly, which included in adding a meal replacement shake to my daily intake. As I mentioned before, I need more protein. I didn't really have the patience to investigate every protein shake out there. I would have been overwhelmed my grams and percentages of this and that. No thanks. I asked her to recommend me where to start, one of the things that was on her desk, but NOT on the list she gave me, was GNC's Total Lean Shakes. I headed to the store to check them out, and if I didn't have the name of the product to look for, I would have run out of the store in 5 minutes. I was skeptical of the berry flavors as they tend to taste the most fake to me. So what I ended up with was Rich Chocolate, Peanut Butter Chocolate, and Peppermint Mocha. The thing that is disappointing, the one flavor I like the most is the peppermint, and it's seasonal (it's also only half of what the plastic containers are in serving size). My thought is that I will go back to stock up on them. Leaving GNC, I also ended up with their fancy gold card, which entitles me to 20% off of everything during the first week of every month. With the seasonal flavors, if you buy two of them, you are get a free... BLENDER BOTTLE. I'll no doubt have a million of these things by the time I'm through with all of this. I will say, besides driving me bananas when this damn thing is rattling around in the bottle, it is helpful to get all of the protein shakes mixed up.



There are some definite pros and cons to the whole shake thing.

Pros: 
- They satisfy me more than I expected
- They do not require a lot of thought. One of these things (the bottle and the 2 scoops of powder) and a piece of fruit will make for an easy "on the go" thing.
- The expense isn't all that great when you compare it to buying groceries for breakfast and lunch

Cons:
- If you are picky about weird flavors, you may find them limiting. I'm going to squirrel the peppermint mochas and hope that the next seasonal flavors are appealing. Besides the peppermint they also had orange creamsicle and pumpkin spice.
- If you have no convenient way to bring milk (of which you should really only be using 1% or skim) with you, water will do, but it will taste a little... "eh".
- The same thing over and over is BORING. I'm about 4 days in (or 8 shakes) and I usually pair it with a side of fruit. I like veggies more than I like fruit, so it's usually apples, bananas, grapes, or blueberries. Since I'm really only using 3 of the flavors (one of which is not my favorite) you can see where it's a little limiting.

I've been trying to keep the mantra "it's only for 3 months" going in my head until I can work out the 10% body weight loss and then get to surgery. I've been walking a lot more in addition to my swimming and biking to try and step this part up as quickly as I can. I can't lie, this is pretty hard work. Monday is what Tufts is calling "immersion day". I hope to see some progress.

Anyone out there find products you're liking?

Next time: The life and times of an Urban Farmer.

Walking a Fine Line

Today was one of the appointments I was nervous about. I really need to just friggin' relax and take them on.

I met with Jill the nutritionist. I was a little wary of what she was going to say, but as it turns out, it was a mostly positive experience. She flipped through my food log to see what I'd been up to. When I knew that I was going to start this process, I knew that I would see a nutritionist. I also knew that when I did, she'd ask me to start keeping a food journal (just like I did when I started seeing Hillary) and so I decided to get a jump on her and start early. She was impressed by that. On top of the food logging, I also decided to keep a journal of the excessive that I got each day. Not so much for her to see, but for me to keep track of. What I did learn is that while I'm eating pretty healthily, I am not getting anywhere near enough protein which is why I'm so hungry and crabby all the time, and also why I've had a gain in the past 6 months. She recommended that I put my chicken's newly found talent of laying eggs to good use and to eat a couple of eggs every morning. I can also add in cheese. That comes as a major score in my mind, because cheese is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world.

The only thing I was not so excited about was the idea of meal-replacement shakes. She mentioned that I might want to consider looking into protein shakes as another option for lunches or breakfasts. Mostly because maybe I'd get bored with them or not actually feel un-hungerfied. Plus, the idea of a shake, just doesn't appeal to me. I can have some fruit and whatnot on the side. I'm willing to do whatever she says to help me get to that 10% number. If she wrote me an Rx for fen-fen.. I'd probably take them.

The other thing that she was impressed by was my biking and swimming. I'm not exactly olympic level on either of them, but I am doing them every day. She said that it was great, but if I could push myself a little farther, it would make all the difference.

She said to add walking to the regime. When my appointment ended, it was much earlier than I'd expected. I went down to the Au Bon Pain in the Tufts lobby, and had the most delicious egg and cheese breakfast sandwich ever, then decided to get going on the walking. If you're not in the New England area, then you should know that today we were hit with a "major nor'easter". After the blizzard that blew through earlier this winter, this seemed like peanuts. Downtown Boston is a beautiful place, even more so when fluffy snowflakes are falling. I decided that I would walk from Tufts to Downtown Crossing. When I got there, I was still far ahead of schedule on the time before I had to go to work so I decided to walk further to Government Center. That distance is about 0.9MI. Not too far, but not too shabby either. Then later on after work, I *almost* hailed a cab since it was night time, still snowing, and cold. Not to mention I'd been heavily puddle splashed by three cars that afternoon. I decided to walk the 1.2 miles home. Just like that afternoon, It was a really pretty walk. Everything was blanketed by pretty snow, and honestly, it didn't seem that far once I arrived home.

As I sit here typing now, my knees hurt a bit, but it was definitely worth it. I'm looking forward to spring so I can take the dog with me on these trips. She's a pain, but might be nice company.

10% of what, now?

Tonight I plan to start something new at the gym. Before I hop into the pool, My BFF, who I sometimes have as gym company suggested that we try lifting some weights. The main gym isn't so much my favorite place to be. It's typically full of successfully fit folks who make me uncomfortable for all of the obvious reasons. Rain mentioned that lifting weights has something to do with getting your metabolism going and then you get into the pool for cardio. The question I'd prefer to ask is "Are there any roomy closets around that I can drag a few of those weights into?" I'll see what this is about, but what I'd really like to do is keep my New Years Resolution of taking a weekly class (yoga or zumba)at the Boston Sports Club. They come with the membership for pete's sake!

The general point is that I have to step it up. The gal who schedules all of the appointments mentioned that they require patients to lose 10% of their body weight before surgery. !0% is not a large number, unless you're taking it out of another, ahem, larger number. Wait... did you miss the point where I've been struggling for more than a year to result in a gain? This is not going to be easy. Not that anything in the process should be.. but how-the-hell am I going to do this? If lifting weights before the pool is the answer, I will be very pleased. It also seems like maybe I should start biking TO the gym? That road is a little bit of a biker's deathtrap, and I'm starting to regret just a little bit that I chose a shiny, red, one-speed Schwinn Cruiser instead of the more conventional and practical mountain bike.

My first non-Hillary nutritionist appointment is tomorrow. That'll make 3 days in a row that I've been at Tufts. Many more appointments to go too..

Shrunk

Today was my first "official" appointment at the Weight and Wellness Center at Tufts New England Medical center. My application was accepted, and the first appointment you have is with a a shrink to make sure you're sane enough to go through the operation and skip the part where you end up with debilitating, life threatening eating disorders.

Dr. R was pretty surprised at how much I already knew, what to expect, which surgery I was leaning towards, which in my case is the Gastric Sleeve or the Sleeve Gastrectomy (you say potato, I say potato).

There are 3 major gastric surgeries..I'll try to make em' short and sweet. Thankfully, all are now a'days done lapriscopically so I won't be filleted like a fish.

1. The Gastric Bypass
 This surgery divides the stomach into a small upper pouch and a much larger lower "remnant" pouch and then re-arranges the small intestine to connect to both. This was the surgery that I had been considering the longest. While it has the upside of rapid weight loss, there is a major down side of malnutrition and a mortifying thing called "dumping" where if your body encounters sugar, it either makes you hurl it up or exit.. other ways.. because your intestines are simply not built to handle undigested sugar and other things.

2. The Lap Band or Gastric Banding
 This surgery is mostly intended for someone who is overweight, but not so much that they need a permanent life-long solution. It is an inflatable silicone device placed around the top portion of the stomach, intended to slow consumption of food and thus the amount of food consumed. As I mentioned, it's for someone who doesn't have a lot to lose, but who is struggling to lose it on their own. It also happens to be reversible.

3. Gastric Sleeve
 With this procedure, the stomach reduced to about 25% of its original size, by surgical removal of a large portion of the stomach, following the major curve. The open edges are then attached together (often with surgical staples) to form a sleeve or tube with a banana shape. The procedure permanently reduces the size of the stomach. The pro's of this are that your body is still able to digest sugars and all of the regular foods you used to eat, except that you can only eat about 20% of them. Should you go to far, your body will tell you that you've made a terrible mistake, usually resulting in some pain, and most likely hurling. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by ladies who've gone through this. From what I understand, it's not a mistake you'll make many times. The other part (that I see as a pro) is the part of the stomach that is removed, is the part that signals to your brain "HEY! Go eat something!!", So you're not feeling hungry all the time. Also, less malnutrition.

As you can see, the more you read up and read about other's experiences, #3 is my winner.

Back to my shrink.. She was surprised about how much knowledge I'd racked up, the research, and how much work I was trying to put in already. To tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised myself. She asked a lot of questions about family. Parents of course. Talking about my mom made me cry. I talked a lot about how I couldn't keep up with my friends and the activities that I used to really love. Saying it out loud made it much more real. When you see a group of your friends go off hiking, it's easy to tell yourself "Meh, I'd rather stay here and read by the fire anyways." rather than say aloud "I can't keep up with you because I'm too heavy".

Do you know that I actually did the math.. With the extra weight I carry, it would be like an average person carrying 21 gallons of milk around with them all day? (a gallon of milk is roughly 8lbs divided by 175.. that's 21.87) Could you imagine that? Yet sometimes I still get called lazy.

Dr. R finished up our session by telling me that she was happy I was here to make changes, and how about we get some appointments set up. I'll see her again in a month, but between them, I'll see a new nutritionist, who I am sure I could never adore like I do Hillary Wright. (I am going to have to work very hard to keep an open mind about that one.) The next appointment I'll have is something called an "Immersion Day" where I will spend a Monday from 9-3:30 learning about everything that I might not know. Then in that same week, I'll meet with the surgeon who I'm told is very sensitive to women who have PCOS. Then, once I complete those appointments, I'll go through them all over again. All while trying to lose 10% of my current body weight to prepare my body for surgery and healing.

Did I also mention that they are going to spear my wrist to get to the artery that is deep in between my wrist bones, along with LOTS of endless blood work (TWELVE VIALS)? With the wrist thing, they have to get to the artery to test something having to do with oxygen in your blood so they know your body can handle the anesthesia. Really, I don't hear "blood work" or "pre-admission testing" I hear "murder and torture you to death with needles that are going to go into your veins and freak you the F%$# out". My eyes are brimming with tears just considering it. 3 major fears in life.. clowns, spiders, and needles. If I had to think about choosing which of those I'd rather deal with.. I'd probably spoon a clown while wearing a tarantula hat before I'd really consider letting someone harpoon my wrist with a garden hose. That's a hurdle I'm going to need some help with.

Right. It's a heck of a lot of work, but if I don't get through it, then life won't change and I'd continue farther down my current unhealthy path.

Anyone want to go hiking, biking or swimming this spring? ;)


Until next time..

where to start?

Well. This is daunting isn't it?

My name is Ellie, and I only have 175lbs to lose. It seems like an impossible statement, but I'm choosing to try and see it as a "glass half full" situation. If you've ever met me, the number would probably knock you off your chair, but thanks to my height, my 6'0 or 6'1 (depending on which liquor store it appears I'm robbing) I am able to hide it well.

The way my new doctor said that to me, was gentle. Much gentler than I'd ever heard it said to me before. He's a wonderful man who's obviously been around this particular block before. I have too, I've just met the bitchy Dr's who don't really seem to truly understand my own particular struggle, and don't have much tact in telling people that news (as if I didn't know?). The past people I've met, aren't really that important. What is important is the people I'll be meeting on this next journey. That journey happens to be bariatric surgery.

I'm not a stranger to this process. I've nearly been through it 3 times before. The first, and most memorable happened about a decade ago when techniques were still new. My particular surgeon made the news, but not in the cutting-edge medical technology awesomeness you'd hope to hear about. He was on the news because he accidentally killed a patient. The details were gruesome, and it'll suffice to say, that I backed out right quick. The other two times I was brave enough to start the process, my artistic nature and youth got in the way of keeping consistent insurance. I'm 30 now, about to be 31 in 23 days and I'm looking forward to someday having children and keeping my health in tact. My age and the reality that surgery will happen is hitting me pretty hard, and as of the past week or so, my brain has been rattling around with lots of ideas, fears, and curiosities. What better way that to get it out of my mind and onto a forum where I can look back and never ever forget all of the things I was thinking, and what it really actually is like to live as a very large person. Should I ever actually be a smaller person, I'm afraid it will change me and make me forget. What if I slip and start getting heavy again? Reminders of all the things I'm thinking and feeling right now will hopefully serve as a strong reminder and maybe also help other big ladies who are going through the same thing I am.

I guess the best way to start a (oh lord, forgive me for using such dramatic phrasing) journey is to go back to the beginning.

I don't have grand ideas that this isn't my fault, or that I'm a victim of corporate fast food empires. I came from a big Polish family that, no pun intended, loved to get together and eat. I'm pretty positive that my grammy's sole goal in the world was to feed people. She made the most delicious Polish foods you could ever imagine. Pierogies, galumki, kielbasa, kapusta.. All deliciously amazing. My mom also had the same ideals. She would kill herself to make enough food to feed an army and she was always concerned that people would go hungry, so she'd make extra.  Everyday dinner eating was not always the healthiest either. As a kid, I was not a stranger to the happy meal, or to fried foods. My mom also really loved buffets. I have my suspicions that my former habit of emotional snacking fully came from my mom. She was mostly a single mom, my stepdad was great, but if we really get down to brass tacks.. my mom was it. My habits continued through middle school, high school and college, and really only started to change about 5 or 6 years ago when her health took a major decline and ultimately led to her death 3 years ago. He passing was an incredibly complex health story that really didn't involve the fact that she was a big lady, but towards the end of her life, it certainly did her no favors. I don't really know my dad that well, but he's also a pretty big guy.

I do believe that in some aspects, a person can be pre-disposed to gaining weight, but that choices also play a big part in the majority of how you end up.

About 5 or 6 years ago, I finally started to REALLY take notice that I was not heading down a healthy path. I started to read books and check out weight watchers, but truthfully, I do not have the attention span to figure out all of the rules that went along with that program. I met with a nutritionist, and was immediately turned off by her snobby demeanor. I took the general message to eat less and move more. Fast forward a few more years, I met another nutritionist named Hillary Wright. She really ultimately drove the right messages home, and I totally understood how my body was working (or wasn't, if you really look at the big picture). Since meeting her, I've overhauled the way I live and eat every day. While those changes were great, they just aren't helping the way they should, and so I'm going to move forward with surgery. Thankfully, The lessons and habits I've learned from Hillary are going to make all of the difference in the world between success and failure. It's much easier

That brings me to my main issue. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. My nemesis. The thing that fights me the hardest. Do some googles, and you'd find out that if you were a woman, this would be one of the most confusing and upsetting things to be diagnosed with. It also usually comes with an incredibly difficult thing to diagnose called insulin resistance. The basis of it, is that it's a complex hormonal disorder that makes your body all screwed up. Incredibly hard to have children and lose weight.

I will re-state though, what while I deal with this condition, I do take responsibility for the fact that most of my life, I have made very poor choices. Right... moving on.

I've been asked SO MANY TIMES.. "Why don't you just go to the gym?". I want to punch those people in the face and tell them to F&%$ OFF. I do go to the gym. I swim because it's low impact and makes your whole body move. I'm not talking swim like "dip my feet in the pool and doggie paddle around" or doing aqua aerobics with the senior citizens. I swim laps just like I did in high school when I was on the swim team (freshman and sophmore, that is). Not as fast, but just as persistently. I also ride my bike around town. The bike is a new development, but so far, I'm really loving it. In addition to all of that, I also hike, camp, and take public transportation. Further more even on top of that, I am a part time nanny to young, very active children. In short, I am not a sedentary person...



I have a lot of ideas and things to get off my chest before I actually go under the knife, but for now.. I'm feeling like I'm off to a good start. Plus, it's 2:51am and I am tired and I do not want to listen to my husband play any more video games tonight.

More to come..